


Inception Quicktime

by Sunnyrea



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-18
Updated: 2011-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyrea/pseuds/Sunnyrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parody of the movie, kind of like the '15 minute' format. Basically sped up and damn funny. Do enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inception Quicktime

Waves: crash crashy crash

Kids: omg, so random!

Japanese guy: Holy shit, we already killed Leonardo DiCaprio!

Saito: Holy shit, you’re Leonardo DiCaprio!

Dom: Heck, yes, I am Leonardo DiCaprio!

Saito: Oh, you have a symbol – I mean a top…

\---Scene change! …only not---

Dom: Hey! You turned young.

Arthur: Hello, I am your suit porn for this movie.

Saito: I am unimpressed by your extraction chatter.

Dom: IF THIS WERE A DREAM *WINK WINK*

Saito: *suspicious*

Arthur: Omg, you douche.

Dom: I think that went well.

Nash: Um, PS - you’re all asleep.

Arthur: Oh shit, your dead wife!

Dom: I married Edith Piaf?

Mal: Don’t be jealous of my dress.

Dom: You are so fucking hot.

\---Surprise scene change!---

Mal: oooo weird art!

Dom: Could you sit in this chair so I can tie this rope to it and climb out the window? It’s not like you’d disappear later causing me to fall or anything.

Mal: Do the children miss me?

Dom: *SNIFFLE*

\---Outside walking---

Dom: Do de do.

*FALL*

Dom: Oh right, projection wife…

Mal: Word.

Dom: I’m creepin’ and shootin’ and stealin’ your secrets!

Saito: REJECTED!

Dom: Shit.

Mal: Hi sweetie!

*Drag in Arthur looking adorably pissed off*

Saito: Uh, we’re dreaming.

Dom: I swear I was going to tell you.

Saito: Who do you work for?

Mal: I’ll shoot pretty boy.

Dom: You’ll only wake him up, bitch please!

Mal: Pain is in the mind.

*BANG*

Arthur: FUCKING OW!

Mal: Bitch. Please.

Dom: Oh yeah? *Shoot in the head*

Arthur: Thank fuck.

Dom: Woke him up, HA HA, I WIN, BITCH PLEASE!

Scenery: I’m tired. Collapse time.

Dom: RUNNING!

Saito: Get back my oh-so-special secrets!!!

Nash: Wtf?

Arthur: Shit is going down.

Dom: The secrets are censored!

Mal: I look hot walking through destruction.

Saito: *Dead – awake*

Dom: Now I’m lonely.

Arthur: DUNK HIM!

Saito: Bitch please, I have a gun.

Dom: Sloooooow motioooon faaaaaaaall! It’s cinema-graphically cooooooool!

Audience: ooooooooooooooo!

Dom: Um… Is that water from the ceiling?

Saito: I’m winning!

Dom: Uh no! *tackles*

Saito: So not telling you anything.

Dom: Please?

Saito: You suck! I am not hiring you.

Dom: Wait… we were hired to extract FROM you, not FOR you. Get the correct preposition.

Saito: Whatever, I’m being obtuse.

*Face meet carpet*

Dom: OMG, I’M A GANGSTER, TALK!

Saito: Um… this isn’t my carpet.

Nash: Shit. Am I fired?

Saito: WHOA, DOUBLE DREAMING, IMPRESSED!

Arthur: Nash, you are a loser!

Dom: Wasn’t I supposed to be ‘the best extractor’ yet I still fuck that up somehow?

Arthur: Maybe if you didn’t have a crazy projection wife…

Dom: *SNIFFLE*

Arthur: Hate to see you out of control!

Fandom: Oh, I need that icon.

Saito: *smirk*

\---Scene change! We like having lots of filming locations!---

Dom: I’m spinning my mysterious, symbol top… with a gun.

Kids: HI DADDY!

Dom: I’m so emo.

Kids: Mom’s not dead, right?

Dom: Um… she is.

Kids: And you didn’t totally abandon us, did you?

Dom: About that…

\---ROOF---

Saito: Yes, this is how boss I am. Now, get in my helicopter.

Nash: Shit.

Saito: INCEPTION!

Audience: ooooo movie title!

Arthur: So not possible.

Dom: So is.

Audience: Um… is that foreshadowing?

Arthur: Don’t think about elephants.

Saito: Omg, I totally love elephants!

Arthur: Making a point.

Saito: I should buy an elephant.

Dom: We’ll take the job!

Arthur: Um… not possible!

Dom: I’ve done it before.

Arthur: Wait, what?

Dom: *sniffle*

Arthur: Hey, when we played ‘truth or dare’ you said you hadn’t, LIAR!

Dom: And now we’re in France!

Michael Cane: CAMEO! …sort of.

Dom: I am here to spread corruption!

Michael Cane: YOU’RE A BAD DAD!

Dom: *SNIFFLE* *EMO*

Ariadne: Enter the tiny Canadian!

Dom: Draw me a maze.

Ariadne: Um, why?

Dom: LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS!

Ariadne: Okay, I guess I could draw –

Dom: Finished it. Totally lame.

Ariadne: But I –

Dom: Still lame!

Ariadne: You son of a bitch, CIRCLE!

Dom: ooooo, Impressed now!

Ariadne: So, dreams?

Dom: They feel real while we’re in them.

Ariadne: Is that a tag line?

Dom: We build dreams then break in like bandits. Heist movie!

Ariadne: So, I’m the token girl?

Dom: PS – we’re in a dream.

Ariadne: Oh shit, no!?

*EXPLODEY*

Ariadne: SO IMPRESSED!

Dom: And that was five minutes.

Ariadne: Wait…

Arthur: Five minutes equals one hour. This may be important later in the movie, just saying.

Ariadne: You’re hot.

Dom: Tiny back story, army, yadda yadda, let’s dream!

Arthur: This kind of sounds like you’re doing crack or something…

Ariadne: I’m going to be an architect PRODIGY!

*BUILDINGS UPSIDE DOWN*

Dom: I so just got shown up!

Christopher Nolan: If we don’t win Best Cinematography somewhere I will cut a bitch.

Dom: By the way, the projections attack if you change too much.

Ariadne: Whatever! Making a bridge!

Dom: Seriously, they will ATTACK you.

Ariadne: Do de do, breaking glass tunnel!

Dom: ATTACK YOU! As in kill.

Ariadne: Oh…

Projections: BITCH WHORE!

Mal: Miss me? *STAB*

Ariadne: AHH! WTF!?

Arthur: Did you get stabbed?

Ariadne: WHO THE FUCK!?

Arthur: Mrs. Cobb.

Ariadne: Oh, Am I the audience connection for this movie as well as the token girl?

Arthur: Look a totem, helps you not go crazy.

Ariadne: oooo, want to touch the –

Arthur: Ho! Hands off!

Ariadne: Yeah, anyhow, Dom is cray cray, no way I am playing!

Dom: She’s faking.

Arthur: Maybe you shouldn’t sick your wife on her.

Dom: Quit busting my chops! I’m going to get team member number 4, Eames.

Arthur: MY EX-BOYFRIEND!? I mean – uh, he’s in Mombassa, not safe – at all.

Dom: Going anyway!

Arthur: …yes!

\---Exotic location!---

Eames: Hello, I am your scruffy English eye candy for this film.

Audience: He said ‘film.’ *loooooooooves*

Dom: Creepin’ in you shadow.

Eames: Aren’t you Leonardo DiCaprio?

Dom: So! We’re going to do inception, you in?

Eames: Awesome!

Dom: Really? Arthur says –

Eames: OMG, MY SEXY HOT PANTS EX-BOYFRIEND ARTHUR!? I mean – stick in the mud. *shifty eyes*

Dom: Seriously, who are you kidding? You’re going to flirt this whole movie.

Eames: Hell yes I am.

Dom: So, by the way, I don’t know shit about this inception stuff since last time I did it, it kind of backfired.

Eames: Shall I school you with my amazing skills?

Dom: Please.

Eames: Dissolving a corporate empire? Make him love his dad again.

Dom: Genius!

Eames: Subtle art. *charm*

Audience: *swooooooon*

Dom: Can we go get our other ethnic minority now?

Eames: I think you need to have a chase scene first.

Cobol thug: *creeps*

Dom: *jumps out the window*

*EVERYONE RUN!*

Dom: I can totally lose them down this excessively narrow alley. I won’t get stuck or anything.

Eames: Dumbass.

Dom: Ahh! Losing!

Saito: *door face* Saved your life!

Dom: Omg, you are so hard core.

Eames: Finished your chase scene?

Arthur: Time for some educating.

Ariadne: Please tell me we get a sex scene.

Arthur: Penrose steps!

Ariadne: SO COOL!

Arthur: It’s what I do.

Ariadne: So… about Mal and Dom? Are they divorced or what?

Arthur: DEAD!

Ariadne: Shouldn’t I have already figured out that she was a projection and clearly not a real person just appearing in these dreams by magic?

Audience: Ohhhhh…

Arthur: Yeah, Dom has issues. It’s just like _Shutter Island._

\---Back in our exotic location---

Yusuf: You need drugs?

Dom: Three layers!

Yusuf: Leonardo DiCaprio does not impress me.

Dom: Yes, I do.

Yusuf: I LOVED TITANIC!

Saito: PS – I’m coming into the dream.

Eames: Um, no tourists.

Saito: I’m the one paying.

Eames: I love tourists!

Dom: Can we see your basement?

\---The opium den in the basement complete with comatose people and a creepy old man with ‘wise’ words---

Eames: You know… this isn’t really my scene.

Yusuf: Yeah, this compound will fuck you up good!

Dom: I want!

Mal: Do you miss me lots?

Dom: *sniffle* yes.

Mal: Are these train tracks?

Dom: So much emo!

Yusuf: Sharp, no?

Dom: *GASP*

Saito: Are you still tripping?

Dom: Ignore the frantic top twirling. *shifty eyes*

Saito: Time for more exposition!

Dom: Robert Fischer?

Eames: Peter Browning?

Saito: I don’t like playing Monopoly so I want you to make Fischer pick a new game, like Jenga or Twister.

Dom: We all fall down.

Saito: Is that foreshadowing?

Eames: Can I go creepy stalk now?

\---Look, the lion’s den---

Eames: *creeps in the corner in a suit*

Browning: Look at my hand gestures!

Fischer: *emos*

Browning: Weren’t you in _Batman_ or something?

Pete Postlethwaite: *groans* Is that really my last name?

Browning: Aw, a touching photograph!

Fischer: NO ONE LOVES ME!

Eames: Now class, I have this Browning guy down. Look at me turning into him in the mirror here.

Everyone: *GASP*

Eames: So! Layer one I can BECOME Browning, since I’m that cool, and give him all the ideas then in layer two I want more screen time so Tom Berenger can take over and be himself as one of Fischer’s projections.

Everyone: Wait what?

Arthur: He gives himself the idea.

Everyone: Ohhh… wait… I’m still kind of confused.

Arthur: Don’t worry about it, just let Eames impress me.

Eames: And oh I will, baby.

Ariadne: Just making my totem, do de do.

Dom: I wasn’t doing anything with this PASIV device over here in this dark corner, I swear.

Ariadne: *suspicious*

Dom: PS - They think I killed my wife.

Ariadne: Yeah, about that, you need to stop fucking up stuff with your projection wife.

Dom: Don’t judge me!

Arthur: So, what’s the idea then?

Dom: I will break up my father’s empire?

Arthur: Boring.

Eames: Screw you, dad?

Dom: Harsh.

Eames: My father accepts that I want to create for myself and not follow in his footsteps?

Dom: I like it, sounds like it’s from the script!

Arthur: *swoon*

Eames: *winks*

Arthur: *flustered* Um… NEEDS SPECIFICY!

Eames: You loooooove me.

Arthur: DO NOT!

Ariadne: Look! Time is passing. You can see it by me showing off my dream layer models and lots of shots of each of us sleeping and Dom being a creeper in the corner still.

Audience: Thanks for the update.

Dom: …I am not a creeper.

Arthur: Um, how are we going to sleep until later three, by the way?

Yusuf: Heroin.

Ariadne: *is excited*

Yusuf: Did I mention layer three is like ten years long?

Ariadne: Uh, what the fuck?

Arthur: So, waking up?

Dom: KICK!

Ariadne: Um?

Eames: I like kicking. *almost knocks over Arthur’s chair*

Arthur: *GLARE*

Eames: *charms*

Arthur: Fuck it, bang me now.

Fandom: OH MY GOD, MY NEW OTP!!!

Dom: Kicking is so we wake up, stupid.

Ariadne: *pouts*

Yusuf: I’m so skilled that I can knock you out so you’ll sleep down to layer three but if I push you over then BAM you wake up.

Everyone: *IMPRESSED*

Arthur: Why am I the test guinea pig?

Eames: *giggles*

Dom: And we’re going to play that Edith Piaf song to synchronize so that there will be a renewed interest in her music due to the movie.

Mal: Plus it’s just so damn amusing with the acting parallels!

\---Practicing dream layer two---

Eames: Bloody hell, are we still doing exposition?

Arthur: We’re taking a plane.

Saito: I bought an airline.

Everyone: BZUH!?

Saito: Bitchin’.

Dom: *dreaming alone in dark corner*

Ariadne: No fair, I want to play too!

\---Dom’s creepy dream---

Ariadne: So… like I’m in an elevator now or something?

Mal: Want to make out?

Dom: We’re so romantic.

Ariadne: *creeps*

Mal: I FUCKING SEE YOU, WHORE!

Dom: No interrupting my play time!

Ariadne: This is really kind of clinically wrong.

Dom: I can stop any time I want to!

Ariadne: Are these memories?

Dom: Um…

Ariadne: So wrong.

Dom: I also abandoned my children and I can’t see their faces anymore. *SNIFFLE*

Ariadne: Going to the basement!

Mal: I get to wear all the sexy dresses.

Ariadne: Femslash?

Mal: I’ll tell you a riddle!

Ariadne: This ‘waiting for a train’ thing has been popping up all over this movie…

Dom: SAVED YOUR LIFE!

Mal: STOP CHEATING ON ME WITH TINY GIRL!

Dom: *soooo emo*

Ariadne: You have problems.

Saito: THE DAD IS DEAD, IT’S GAME TIME!

Dom: You’re not going to fuck me over when we get to LA, are you?

Saito: Psh, no.

\---PLANE---

Eames: *is pretty*

Fischer: OUT OF MY WAY, ENGLISH WANKER!

Eames: *steals your passport*

Dom: Hey, did your dad die?

Fischer: I’m not sad about it at all. Really.

Dom: Have some sedative then.

Fischer: Well, don’t mind if I – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Dom: LET’S GO TEAM! I promise there is nothing really really important about this dream job which could jeopardize your lives that I haven’t told you.

\---THE DREAM BEGINS---

Arthur: Thanks for the piss rain.

Yusuf: Racist.

Dom: Catch that cab!

Fischer: I’m getting wet.

Eames: Wanna share?

Fischer: Get the fuck out of my –

Saito: *GUN*

Fischer: …my wallet is worth more than $500.

Eames: Taking it!

*SURPRISE BAM*

Audience: *JUMPS IN SEAT*

Ariadne: WE JUST GOT HIT BY A TRAIN!!!

Dom: ….I get this reference.

Eames: MY WINDOW JUST GOT SHOT!

Arthur: FUCK, ATTACK PROJECTIONS!

Saito: This is not going to be good for me as the ethnic minority in this car…

Arthur: *shooting*

Eames: *more shooting*

Dom: *driving*

Arthur: *better driving*

Eames: *even more shooting*

Everyone: *ESCAPING*

Saito: I’M SHOT!

Dom: *FREAK OUT*

Arthur: So, Fischer’s been trained…

Dom: OMG, WHY DIDN’T YOU FIND THIS OUT, I BLAME YOU!

Arthur: Drama queen.

Dom: AND EVERYONE THINKS YOU’RE HOTTER THAN ME IN THIS FILM.

Eames: Well, I’ll just shoot Saito awake and –

Dom: INTERCEPTION!

Yusuf: We’re too heavily sedated to wake up when we die.

Eames, Arthur, and Ariadne: What. The. Fuck.

Dom: We’ll drop into limbo instead.

Ariadne: 8th grade dance game?

Arthur: Unconstructed dream space.

Eames: Like hell for your brain.

Yusuf: It could be infinite.

Dom: Eh, it was okay… except not.

Saito: …Shit.

Arthur: DOM, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE!

Dom: I had to.

Eames: MAJOR ASSHOLE.

Dom: It’s the only way we could do it.

Yusuf: NOW THEY THINK I’M AN ASSHOLE TOO, YOU ASSHOLE.

Dom: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! HAD TO GET BACK TO MY CHILDREN! *EMO*

Everyone: *evil stare*

Eames: Fuck this, I quit.

Dom: I’ll give you Arthur.

Arthur: What?

Eames: BACK IN.

Dom: Gangster time!

Fischer: This sucks.

Arthur: Could we please have the imaginary combination to your father’s imaginary personal safe?

Fischer: Y’all trippin.

Dom: Torture time, punk!

Yusuf: *sniff the wallet*

Eames: I found the touching photograph!

Yusuf: …that sounds dirty, you know.

Dom: You’ve got one hour.

Eames: You can’t rush art.

Dom: I’ll take Arthur back.

Eames!Browning: OWIE!

Fischer: *WHIMPER*

Eames!Browning: Answer their questions!

Fischer: It’s bullshit.

Eames!Browning: Pleeeeeeeeease, your daddy loved you.

Fischer: He was a cunt!

Eames!Browning: This is going to be problematic.

Dom: Ready for it? Ready for it? Back story.

Ariadne: All I do in this movie is hang out with you and listen to you bitch.

Dom: Mal and I fell into limbo, built a world, got old… and crazy…

Ariadne: Sob story!

Dom: So I decided to incep – I mean, we had to kill ourselves.

Mal: So sad and dramatic… blah blah.

Dom: You’re waiting for a train…

Ariadne: Please, not the riddle again.

Dom: Buuuuut… Mal went batshit on me.

Mal: OMG NOTHING IS REAL!!!!!

\---Flashing back to that hotel room we already saw when it was femslash time---

Dom: Do de do, anniversary night of hotel room sexing!

Mal: Hey, I’m out on this window ledge.

Dom: NOT GOOD!

Mal: So, let’s jump.

Dom: No, thanks.

Mal: You’ve gotta jump with me.

Dom: I’d rather not.

Mal: I told everyone you wanted to kill me.

Dom: *GASP*

Mal: Jumping time.

Dom: NO MEANS NO!

Mal: *JUMPS TO HER DEATH*

Dom: OH MY GOD, NOW I’M GOING TO BE EMO FOREVER! *SOB*

Ariadne: My heart!

Dom: *sniffle*

Ariadne: I’m still kind of pissed about you lying and all though.

Dom: Uh oh, projections.

Fischer: Can we leave now?

Dom: GIVE US NUMBERS!

Fischer: I DUH KNO!

Dom: I will shoot Eames – I mean, Browning!

Fischer: 528491

Audience: Oooooo! Do those numbers mean something?

Christopher Nolan: No.

Dom: Time for a ride in the van.

Eames: Did I mention that his daddy issues are hella bad?

Arthur: Uh, duh!

Dom: Whatever, we’re still good.

Arthur: Why don’t you work a little harder, English prick!

Eames: I love when you talk dirty.

Arthur: *SHOOTS*

Eames: You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger darling.

Fandom: HE SAID DARLING! Let me use this is every single fanfic ever!

Eames: *Big ass gun of win*

Arthur: *swoooooons*

Dom: So, Mr. Charles?

Arthur: Really? Remember last time when we DIED doing that?

Yusuf: Have fun on the second layer kids!

\---LAYER TWO---

Eames!Talulah Riley: I am really hot and blond.

Fischer: Wasn’t I doing something else a second ago?

Eames!Talulah Riley: You could be doing me.

Dom: Peekaboo

Fischer: I don’t swing that way.

Eames!Talulah Riley: Gotta go, have my number which happens to be that number you just said like five minutes ago.

Fischer: Huh?

Arthur: Dom is totally going to fuck this up.

Ariadne: What’s with the weird bun on the top of my head?

Eames!Talulah Riley: Hey cutie!

Saito: Stop confusing my sexuality, Eames! *cough*

Yusuf: I’M BEING SHOT AT WHILE I’M TRYING TO DRIVE!

Dom: I am Mr. Charles.

Fischer: I am confused.

Dom: Subconscious security!

Fischer: Stop trying to sound fancy, I know what extraction is.

Kids: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!

Dom: Crap.

Fischer: Um.

Projections: We see you!

Dom: YOU’RE TOTALLY DREAMING!

Fischer: *FREAK OUT*

Arthur: I would rather not be killed by projections and sent to limbo, thanks.

Ariadne: I’d rather not be wearing a boring gray suit.

Arthur: Want to make out?

Ariadne: The fangirls would kill me…

Arthur: I _am_ Joseph Gordon-Levitt, you know.

Ariadne: Let’s do it.

Fischer: Save me, projection security guy!

Dom: Let’s run and kill people in the bathroom!

Fischer: Shouldn’t I kill myself to wake up and stuff?

Dom: …no.

Fischer: Holy shit, I’m kidnapped in a van!

Arthur: I like bombs.

Ariadne: I’m going to ask a bunch of questions about falling and the dream and stuff even though we’ve been working together for what has to have been months and months and I should already know all this.

Arthur: Aw, poor audience connection character.

Dom: Hotel room door kick!

Eames and Saito: *creepin on your projection*

Browning: Hi.

Dom: I think he’s a bad guy.

Fischer: No way! He’s like the only one who loves me.

Dom: Did you see him get tortured?

Fischer: *GASP* Betrayal!

Browning: But I didn’t want you to get the alternate will and break up the company since you are so skilled and could totally create your own awesome company better than your dad!

Eames: *wipes a tear*

Dom: Let’s go under again!

Fischer: 3rd time?

Dom: It’s only the 2nd *shifty eyes* really.

Fischer: Bring it.

Eames: You going to miss me when I go down to layer three, Arthur?

Arthur: …no

Eames: *flirts*

Arthur: *smiles*

Eames: Can we have sex now?

Arthur: Go to sleep, Mr. fucking sexy porn lips Eames.

Fandom: I LOVE THIS SCENE!

Het Lovers: *grumps*

\---LAYER THREE---

Dom: It’s snowy.

Ariadne: Anyone else noticed how we haven’t actually seen Mal this whole dream crazy time yet? Probably want to keep our eyes open this level.

Arthur: Gonna go be a distraction.

Yusuf: Still driving and being shot at!

Arthur: I think I’m being followed…

Yusuf: Bumpy driving and sharp turns.

Arthur: Um, leaning hotel!

Projection: *gets slammed*

Yusuf: MY CAR IS ROLLING OVER!

Arthur: And now I get the most BAD ASS scene in the movie. RUNNING ALL OVER THE WALLS AND THE CEILING AND KICKING PROJECTION ASS!

Projections: *so dead*

*Van stops rolling*

Arthur: **Fucking win.**

Yusuf: *giggle* I’m alive!

Dom: Back on level three…

Saito and Fisher: Time to storm the castle.

Eames: I’ll go run around.

Ariadne: And I get stuck with Dom… again.

Yusuf: And I’ve finally made it to the bridge. Fucking traffic.

Eames: Come to the sexy forger, projections!

Yusuf: Okay, fuck this dream, we are heading out!

Dom: Um… anyone else hear French just now?

Projections: BITCH PLEASE.

Eames: *skis around*

Dom: Can they get there faster than climbing up a mountain?

Ariadne: Um…

Dom: Aw, come on, I’m sure telling me the layout won’t end in some TOTAL FORESEEABLE catastrophe.

Ariadne: Well, okay.

Arthur: *running*

Yusuf: *driving*

Arthur: PARADOX! Tee hee, I like dropping bodies.

Yusuf: See ya! *gives you the finger*

\---KICK #1---

Arthur: FUCK! *FLIES THROUGH THE AIR*

Saito: Holy shit avalanche! *FALLS DOWN THE MOUNTAIN*

Dom: Um. We missed the kick.

Eames: I am not being stuck in the snow for ten god damn years!

Yusuf: Free fall!

Arthur: I have no gravity but at least that gives everyone great shots of how fucking dapper I am in this suit.

Audience: *MELTS*

Fischer: And we’re inside the fortress.

Eames: Um… I think shit is going down?

Dom: I’m sure it’s nothing.

Arthur: Anti-gravity FIGHT TIME!

Eames: Chasing projections

Arthur: Moving people into an elevator.

Fischer: I think my time to shine is getting closer!

Dom: Everything is going really well despite that whole militarized projections thing!

Ariadne: Knock on wood?

Mal: Surprise!

Ariadne: OMG, SHOOT THE BITCH!

Dom: *sniffle* I think I’m going to pussy out.

Mal: Hey, Scarecrow.

Fischer: Huh?

*SHOT*

Dom: OMG! *shoots Mal*

Ariadne: You fucking idiot!

Eames: I’m going to touch Fischer’s chest under his shirt now.

Ariadne: *jealous*

Dom: Total fail boat!

Saito: Uh, PS - still dying.

Ariadne: We could go to limbo?

Eames: You crazy?

Ariadne: Dom’s going to jail if we don’t.

Dom: Okay, let’s go to limbo then!

Eames: So glad I’m the dreamer for this level.

Ariadne: Um…. Limbo is a beach?

Dom: And I am wet yet again.

Audience: We have no problem with that.

Arthur: Elevator time!

Yusuf: Still falling.

Eames: Hey Saito, even though you’re dying could you maybe kick the shit out of some projections with this grenade for me?

Saito: I would totally go gay for you.

Eames: That’s the spirit!

Dom: I will now give you the tour of limbo!

Ariadne: Are we in Cuba?

Arthur: I am going to blow up this elevator, ha ha!

Eames: Shooting people in the snow, ha ha!

Dom: So we lived in this house and this house and –

Ariadne: Is this little French house significant?

Dom: NO! Of course not! No!

Ariadne: Um…

Dom: So, put my last house inside a building and here we are.

Mal: Hi, I’m playing with a knife.

Dom: Do you have my mark somewhere?

Mal: I can make a mark when I stab you.

Dom: You’re not real…. Not at all.

Mal: You love me.

Ariadne: Oh god, this is going to take forever isn’t it?

Yusuf, Arthur, Eames: We’re still falling, floating, and shooting shit up.

Saito: Am I dead yet?

Dom: So, um, I performed inception on you.

Mal: …wait, what?

Ariadne: Holy fuck!

Dom: I spun your top in the safe so you’d kill yourself with me and we could escape from limbo. THE TOP WAS A SYMBOL!

Ariadne: Sort of.

Mal: So, what you’re saying is that it’s your fault that I killed myself in reality?

Dom: Basically.

Ariadne: That explains the emo guilt a bit better.

Mal: Well, you owe me then don’t you? So, you should stay here and be crazy with me!

Dom: Or I could not.

Mal: Or you could.

Saito: And I’m dead.

Arthur: Here, Eames, have a little song since I LOVE YOU SO MUCH – I mean, to warn you about the kick coming…

Eames: About fucking time.

Fischer: *is zapped*

Ariadne: Time to go now!

Mal: Bitch please, YOU ARE MINE!

Dom: Okay cool.

Ariadne: Wait what?

Mal: Sweet! Take the skinny rich boy.

Fischer: I’m kidnapped again.

Ariadne: Is it weird that I’m kind of into this mouth gag thing?

Dom: By the way, not actually staying with you since you’re not real and all.

Mal: FUCKING STAB YOU.

Ariadne: FUCKING SHOOT YOU, PWNED!

Dom: Whoa! Bitch fight!

Ariadne: *kicks Fischer off the porch*

Fischer: *GASP* Holy shit that was trippy!

Yusuf: Still falling.

Arthur: *EXPLODEY* And now I’m falling too, except cooler since I’m in an elevator.

Yusuf: Vans are cool!

Arthur: Are not!

Fischer: Um… So, I’m supposed to open this giant vault thing now?

Pete Postlethwaite: *gurgle* Disssssssssssssssss…

Fischer: No dissing me!

Pete Postlethwaite: I was disappointed…

Fischer: *SNIFFLE*

Pete Postlethwaite: That you tired to be me.

Fischer: *GASP* Affection!?

Yusuf and Arthur: Stiiiiiiiiiiill falling.

Eames: Um… we kind of have a time limit here so the Hallmark moment should really speed up.

Pete Postlethwaite: Check out my safe.

Fischer: oooo those numbers came in handy. Hmm… let’s see. We’ve got the will on top and below we have… *SNIFFLE* MAI PINWHEEL!!!!!

Pete Postlethwaite: *is dead*

Fischer: OMG, MY HEART! *SOBS*

 ***INCEPTION IS A GO***

Eames: FUCK YES! *EXPLODES THE WHOLE FORTRESS*

Ariadne: We gotta go, Dom.

Dom: Nah, you go ahead.

Ariadne: No limbo repeat rounds!

Dom: Nah, I’m going to rescue the Asian in distress.

Ariadne: All right, buh bye. *jumps off building*

*EVERYONE FALLS AND WAKES UP ALL OVER THE PLACE, SO DRAMATIC!*

Dom: Sorry about the inception and making you kill yourself and all.

Mal: At least you angsted for years over it.

Fischer: I am going to be my own man like a big boy because daddy liked me!

Eames!Browning: I need to get a new job.

Arthur: Um… about Dom?

Ariadne: He’s going on a rescue mission.

Arthur: …sure he is.

Dom: Wow, you got old.

Saito: Wait… is this a dream?

Dom: Yeah, kinda.

Saito: So, I need to kill us both?

Dom: That would be correct.

Saito: Should we show it on camera to make absolutely no doubt at all about what is reality and what is a dream?

Dom: Nah, people are smart enough to figure it out.

\---Back on the plane---

Dom: And I’m alive.

Saito: You son of a bitch, you let me die and fall into limbo!

Dom: You’re still gonna call so I don’t go to jail right?

Saito: I’ll call your mom!

Dom: Sweet, I got through customs. I love omnipotent-like characters!

Ariadne: Aw, now that wasn’t so bad.

Yusuf: I am never working with you again.

Arthur: I swear I’m NOT going to go to a hotel to bang Eames now.

Eames: He’s lying.

Arthur: Yeah, I am.

Michael Caine: And I’m back for two more seconds of screen time!

Dom: Home sweet home. I may as well spin my top for old time sake even though I got over the whole Mal, what is reality thing back in limbo for the second time.

Kids: LEONARDO DIC – WE MEAN, DADDY!

Dom: MY BABIES!

Top: Spin spin spin spin spin whoooooble –

\---BLACK SCREEN, BITCHES, HA HA!---

Christopher Nolan: I can haz awards now?


End file.
